Mental Masturbation

TL;DR - speaking about your goals, interests and aspirations is cool but working on them is much cooler.

Yes, you read that right!

Mental Masturbation(MM) is an actual word. But not the one you think it is.

There are quite a few definitions for the word MM which you can look up on the web. But the one I’m gonna talk about here is something most of us experience often. So let’s jump in.

But what even is MM?

Do you remember the last time you had a conversation with any of your friends/acquaintances/colleagues where you kept talking about your goals and plans that you intend to do?

Yeah, about that. How many of those goals or plans have you achieved so far? Chances are you hardly or haven't even worked on any of them.

We have a lot of ideas, goals, and to-do lists that we want to work on.

We even feel good when we share this with someone else cause that gives a dopamine hit and makes us feel good about ourselves and the things we plan on doing.

In reality, none of those things gets implemented no matter how many people we share this with for whatsoever reason.

And, that, my friend, is nothing but mental masturbation.

It’s like your brain is jerking off to the fact that you’re making progress towards your goals and plans by talking about them.

It only makes you feel better for a short period. It makes you think that you are working towards your goals and plans although nothing is happening physically. In short, it is nothing but a fake sense of achievement.

Ok, all of this is fine but doesn’t sharing our plans with others make us more accountable?

Yes, it does. Only if you’re working on them or else it’s just another way of fantasizing about your goals.

How do you deal with mental masturbation?

One way to deal with MM is to have a bias towards action.

• Have plans on hitting the gym and workout? Cool. Then have a bias to show up at the gym every day or according to your plan and put in the reps instead of speaking about it with your friend.

• Want to start putting out content online? Then have a bias towards creating/curating content flexibly and consistently instead of daydreaming about it or having conversations about it with your friends.

• Have a company in mind that you want to apply for but are not sure about? Then have a bias towards reaching out to the hiring manager in that company or even writing an email to the person who works in the same department as you want to get into.

I know it’s easier said than done. But you got to start somewhere. Take the smallest step possible and start working towards those goals and plans.

Let me know what you think. You can reach out to me on LinkedIn at @heymohan.

PS - here's an interesting post about MM on Instagram by Dan Koe.